"Everything's going to be OK," I imagine that's the phrase poor Britney Spears has to keep reciting to herself over and over to keep from just going ape-shit and shaving off head and beating us all with umbrellas again--that is, if she could stay awake long enough to do so. Britney's been needing some extra help these days, just to keep her eyes open. Paparazzi managed to sneak a photo inside Britney's open purse the other day, revealing that the starlet was carrying around Provigil. The prescription drug is given to patients who are either suffering from extreme sleepiness throughout the day or downright narcolepsy. However, Dr. Mark Milstein, a neuroligist based in New York, assured Us Weekly that it'd not addictive.

"This medication won't give you a 'high,' like a stimulant would."

Back in the day, when I was working a boring office job, all I needed was a constant IV of coffee and some paperclips to prop my eyes open because I hate taking medication. It makes you look crazy, unlike my subtle method.

Photos: WENN

According to a new report, Celebrity singer Christina Aguilera has named her unborn child after her husband Jordan Bratman. The Celebrity couple held a private baby shower for family and friends recently where the singer revealed the name. For this special event Christina and Jordan visited exclusive baby boutique Bel Bambini for the baby shower [...]

Oh creepiest of creepy things. Scarlett Johansson, who generally seems classy enough (at least compared to most of her Hollywood peers) gave boyfriend Ryan Reynolds the freakiest gift since Van Gogh’s ear: one of her teeth. Though the pair haven’t been together all that long, Scarlett seemed to think the best present for Ryan was a piece of herself. And what’s easier to get rid of than a tooth? Slicing off the ear has been done, and we all know that a toe is totally played out. But a tooth? Now that’s unique. What an expression of love. Apparently Scarlett had her wisdom teeth taken out a little while before Ryan’s birthday. I’m guessing the idea came to her while she was under the influence of some pretty good dental surgery drugs.

Things are, like, totally heating up between Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson, and we’re not just saying so because the buxom blonde recently hit Canuckland with Ry to meet the parentals. Fraternizing with the fam is one thing, but now. This simply has become a supercreepy canoodling biz. See, Scar’s gone and given Ryan a piece of…herself? We’re not talking nooky, either. Read on…

David BeckhamRyan’s B-day was Tuesday, and last weekend, Scar-doll threw the slinky Smokin’ Aces studster an early bash at Chateau Marmont. How very nice. Can you guess what terribly unique prezzie S.J. picked to gift Ry with? A full-body massage, with each of David Beckham’s bod-guards present (just like Becks does), just to make sure everything gets kneaded properly? A walk-on in Johansson Svengali Woody Allen’s next slobbering outing? Oh, never mind, there’s no way you’ll ever guess, so we’ll just spill: one of her pearly whites. Yep, you read right.

Angelina Jolie, Billy Bob Thornton“She’d just had her wisdom teeth removed, so she had one dipped in gold and strung on a necklace for him,” says Desk Ouch!, who ran to us with the goss, practically hyperventilating with the nitrous-oxide-laced looniness. Nasty. Who do these two think they are, Angelina and Billy Bob or something?

[From The Awful Truth on E!]

Wading through Ted Casablanca’s writing is like swimming through a giant vat of pudding while searching for a pearl: you know it’s in there, but it hurts to keep opening your eyes to try to find it. Anyway. Maybe Scarlett’s just cheap. I mean if you’re already shelling out for the surgery, why not kill two birds with one stone and get a free present out of the deal? Celebrities get so much stuff for free: she probably just thought the tooth was free surgery swag and wanted to re-gift it. They sell gold paint at the craft store for about a dollar, and I doubt Ryan would notice the difference. How closely are you going to inspect the color when someone’s just given you their tooth on a chain? I pretty sure if they get married, he should expect jewel-encrusted toenail clippings.

Picture note by Jaybird: Header image of Scarlett Johansson on set filming, ‘Midnight in Barcelona’ with Woody Allen. Images thanks to PR Photos.

Various celebs showed up to be difficult at the Frederick's of Hollywood 2008 fashion show last night in L.A. Isn't Frederick's the kinda trashy lingerie? A lot of diamond cuts over the nipples, etc. *shudder* The press was informed that they weren't allowed to ask Jessica Simpson any questions. And when Zac Efron and his slutty girlfriend (sorry, there's photos and video to prove it) Vanessa Hudgens showed up, people were told to clear out and give them their table.

After Simpson viewed a parade of runway models displaying corsets designed by celebrities, a request was made for her to share her favorite moment of the evening. But her protectors stepped in and said she had only just arrived, as Simpson, who had been there for an hour, sat next to them in silence.

Hudgens clammed up when she was asked to discuss her favorite looks of the evening, inspiring Efron to pipe in: "I'm not really an underwear kind of guy, but she is." Indeed, Efron did look bored as celebrated stripteaser Dita Von Teese performed in a gilded bird cage. Keeping a tight grip on her man, Hudgens would say only that she liked the feathers that appeared on models throughout the evening.

Let me clue you bitches in on something? All this? Goes away. You are not going to be allowed to take over people's tables and be rude to the rest of the human race for eternity. Boobs will sag and faces will melt and you're gonna be headed for the Surreal Life if you haven't been asked already. So why not lengthen it while you can and be a little more magnanimous? And Zac Efron is a woman. I swear. His trannie name is Kerri. He just looks like a "Kerri".

Photos: Getty Images/PacificCoastNews.com

Many more photos (Jessica Simpson, Rashida Jones, Vanessa Hudgens, Zac Efron, Kristen Bell, Amanda Bynes, Janet Jackson, Dita Von Teese, Brody Jenner, Aisha Taylor, Rex Lee, Becki Newton, Bai Ling, Cheri Oteri, Jane Kaczmereck, Jorja Fox, Eric Szmanda, Ken Paves, Eric Balfour, Kat Von D, Kim Smith, John Cho, Marla Sokoloff) from the Frederick's of Hollywood Lingerie Show are after the jump.

Various celebs showed up to be difficult at the Frederick's of Hollywood 2008 fashion show last night in L.A. Isn't Frederick's the kinda trashy lingerie? A lot of diamond cuts over the nipples, etc. *shudder* The press was informed that they weren't allowed to ask Jessica Simpson any questions. And when Zac Efron and his slutty girlfriend (sorry, there's photos and video to prove it) Vanessa Hudgens showed up, people were told to clear out and give them their table.

After Simpson viewed a parade of runway models displaying corsets designed by celebrities, a request was made for her to share her favorite moment of the evening. But her protectors stepped in and said she had only just arrived, as Simpson, who had been there for an hour, sat next to them in silence.

Hudgens clammed up when she was asked to discuss her favorite looks of the evening, inspiring Efron to pipe in: "I'm not really an underwear kind of guy, but she is." Indeed, Efron did look bored as celebrated stripteaser Dita Von Teese performed in a gilded bird cage. Keeping a tight grip on her man, Hudgens would say only that she liked the feathers that appeared on models throughout the evening.

Let me clue you bitches in on something? All this? Goes away. You are not going to be allowed to take over people's tables and be rude to the rest of the human race for eternity. Boobs will sag and faces will melt and you're gonna be headed for the Surreal Life if you haven't been asked already. So why not lengthen it while you can and be a little more magnanimous? And Zac Efron is a woman. I swear. His trannie name is Kerri. He just looks like a "Kerri".

Photos: Getty Images/PacificCoastNews.com

Many more photos (Jessica Simpson, Rashida Jones, Vanessa Hudgens, Zac Efron, Kristen Bell, Amanda Bynes, Janet Jackson, Dita Von Teese, Brody Jenner, Aisha Taylor, Rex Lee, Becki Newton, Bai Ling, Cheri Oteri, Jane Kaczmereck, Jorja Fox, Eric Szmanda, Ken Paves, Eric Balfour, Kat Von D, Kim Smith, John Cho, Marla Sokoloff) from the Frederick's of Hollywood Lingerie Show are after the jump.

I'm not bragging when I say this but I don't watch "The Hills". It's not a snobbery thing, it's a I-don't-want-to-have-to-dropkick-my-TV thing. Seriously, I have to read enough articles and write enough about the dumb sluts on those shows that I feel like I don't need to watch. Anyway, Lauren Conrad's supposed to be the good girl on the show and it turns out that, SURPRISE, she's a hagface in real life. Oh, and you already knew this but, SURPRISE, the show is so fake that it's starting to show in the editing.

A spy at Lauren Conrad's New York debut of her self-named clothing line complained she was nothing like her good-girl image off-camera.

"Lauren was in the booth and rolling her eyes the entire time she was there when the cameras weren't on," said a snitch at the Coterie trade show.

"She was obnoxious to buyers as they were shopping in her booth and refused to say hello. But when the cameras turned on, Lauren immediately perked up and pretended to be interested."

You ungrateful wench. You should be licking the asses of people who watch your show. What else are you gonna do with your life? Clothing line? Maybe the 5-year-old in that Malaysian sweatshop with the bleeding fingers would rather HER name on your midi tops! She's the one making the stuff! Give Kim Fong-Toy her cut! Keep reading for details on how obviously fake "The Hills" has gotten.

Photos: Bauer-Griffin Online

I'm not bragging when I say this but I don't watch "The Hills". It's not a snobbery thing, it's a I-don't-want-to-have-to-dropkick-my-TV thing. Seriously, I have to read enough articles and write enough about the dumb sluts on those shows that I feel like I don't need to watch. Anyway, Lauren Conrad's supposed to be the good girl on the show and it turns out that, SURPRISE, she's a hagface in real life. Oh, and you already knew this but, SURPRISE, the show is so fake that it's starting to show in the editing.

A spy at Lauren Conrad's New York debut of her self-named clothing line complained she was nothing like her good-girl image off-camera.

"Lauren was in the booth and rolling her eyes the entire time she was there when the cameras weren't on," said a snitch at the Coterie trade show.

"She was obnoxious to buyers as they were shopping in her booth and refused to say hello. But when the cameras turned on, Lauren immediately perked up and pretended to be interested."

You ungrateful wench. You should be licking the asses of people who watch your show. What else are you gonna do with your life? Clothing line? Maybe the 5-year-old in that Malaysian sweatshop with the bleeding fingers would rather HER name on your midi tops! She's the one making the stuff! Give Kim Fong-Toy her cut! Keep reading for details on how obviously fake "The Hills" has gotten.

Photos: Bauer-Griffin Online

Mimi was in New York yesterday to launch her perfume, “M.” The singer who can break glass with her high notes showed up at Macy’s to a crowd all wanting to catch a glimpse of the diva. For $130 the fans received a bottle of her perfume and the honor of being in the presence of Mariah. But if you were willing to shell out $300 you were allowed to take a photo with Mimi in the vicinity.

Mariah Carey introduced her new perfume at Macy’s in New York yesterday, and the stench of divaliciousness was thick in the air. TMZ was on the scene where fans were stacked eight and nine deep to catch a whiff of Mimi, who arrived in a Rolls-Royce droptop, with the kind of police presence normally reserved for heads of state.

[TMZ]

If you got to close to the her you were told to back away. Dear Lord, don’t touch “The Mariah!” An “absolutely no hugs” rule was spelled out to each of the fans. The purple bottle with a butterfly that contained the scents of Moroccan incense, Tahitian flower and toasted marshmallows. I kinda thought it would smell like strippers and fear. Also, if you can recall the feud between Puff Daddy and Mariah we’ll soon have a winner. At the end of September Diddy challenged all women to crank out a scent that was better than his. Mini retorted with some quips about Diddy basically being a male slut.

“I heard about this competition, and I wish Puff all the best with his new fragrance, but I think we’re actually appealing to different types of women. M by Mariah Carey is about being unforgettable, not unforgivable. It’s not about a ménage á trois or a one night stand, it’s for the woman who wants the man to fall in love with her immediately, stay in love, and treat her like royalty.” – Mariah

Mariah Carey is shown at the launch of “M by Mariah Carey” at Macy’s Herald Square in NY on 10/23/07. Thanks to PRPhotos.

Not to betray my queer brethren, but my money's on Fitty. In fact, I fear for Lance's bone structure. Ok, they're not really going to fight. They just had books come out at the same time on Tuesday night and did some play-trash talking. Seriously, I'd like to see them fight, though. Again, not to turn my back on my people, but all I can imagine is 50 coming after Lance while he screams and runs for the knife drawer in the kitchen. Lance Bass' book "Out of Sync" and 50 Cent's coffe-table book "50x50" are stepping in the ring.

"He doesn't stand a chance," Senor Cent told me at the launch of his coffee-table tome, "50 x 50."

"With me, everything's a competition, so I bet you the end of next week, I'll be moving more copies than him," Fitty said over dinner at Philippe. "This is the same competition - this is Kanye West and 50 Cent all over again!"

Twenty minutes later, at Azza, Bass was happy to hit back.

"50's going down, that's all I have to say," he said while promoting his memoir, "Out of Sync."

"50, I don't want to playa-hate, but there's a lot that my book has" that his doesn't.

Lance met his "space training" (remember that attempt to draw attention away from the gay?) and his "relationships with the guys". Which I think he means the guys in N*Sync. I think. Does he mean guys in general? True. 50 Cent's been to prison but he's made it pretty clear in the past he doesn't swing that way and doesn't feel like anybody else should. So Lance has that on him. Seriously, though, if Lance EVEN has a Joey Fatone "bro-job" story - he'd goddamn better tell it or I'm citing the Freedom of Information act. I want size, width, girth, circumference, audio and video. In a report. In a binder. With a multimedia laser show accompanying it.

Photos: Getty Images/Bauer-Griffin Online

Referring to Lance Bass and music together in the same sentence seems kind of weird, but there it is. The guy was the bass (ironically enough) in ‘Nsync, after all. Not exactly known for their Grammy-winning musical prowess. Remember the scary East Coast/West Coast rap feuds of the nineties? You know, the ones where rappers (and their assorted posses) were shooting other rappers (and their assorted posses) for being from the wrong side of the ocean? Well those flames are heating up again.

Lance Bass and 50 Cent (real name: Curtis James Jackson III) are releasing books at the same time, and even held their launch parties on the same night. At 50’s party in New York’s Philippe Tuesday, he told the New York Daily News that Bass better watch his back. “He doesn’t stand a chance,” the rapper said as he promoted his coffee-table book, 50 x 50. Later that night, at Bass’s own NYC launch party at hotspot Azza for his new tell-all book, Out of Sync: A Memoir, the former ‘N Sync member – who came out in 2006 to PEOPLE – hit back at the rapper.

“50’s going down, that’s all I have to say,” he joked. “50, I don’t want to playa-hate, but there’s a lot that my book has [that yours doesn’t]. Including, Bass says, two things in particular: “I’m pretty sure he doesn’t have any relationships with guys in that book. And I’m pretty sure he doesn’t have any space training, either.”

50 added, he’s been in this situation before. “With me, everything’s a competition, so I bet you the end of next week, I’ll be moving more copies than him,” 50 said. “This is the same competition – this is Kanye West and 50 Cent all over again!”

[From People]

Yeah I’m guessing there are no allusions to gay sex in 50’s coffee table book. Though that would make for one of the better coffee table books I’ve seen in a while. I’m really worried that one of these guys is going to knock the other one out (I’m guessing the weapon of choice will be a bottle of Vitamin Water or a tin of spike-inducing hair gel). There will be a big hullabaloo (because you know a lot of music feuds involve hullabaloos) and then their moms will meet at one of the MTV awards shows and embrace on stage, and everything will be more or less okay after that. This is pretty much Biggie and Tupac all over again.